Stress Wisely by Robyne Hanley-Dafoe

Author:Robyne Hanley-Dafoe [Hanley-Dafoe, Robyne]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Robyne Hanley-Dafoe
Published: 2023-06-20T00:00:00+00:00

Relationship Tax

I invite you to list all your roles and the communities you are already a part of. For me, I am a mother, a daughter, a wife, an educator, a scholar, a redhead, a descendant of Scottish immigrants, a pet parent, a teammate, a leader, an entrepreneur, a philanthropist, an author—the list could go on almost endlessly. Now, for each of your roles, think about the expectations, norms, and labour that it requires. You might need a bigger piece of paper for this!

When we take a deep look at all this, we can see clearly why we are so overwhelmed. Not only does each of our roles and communities have a set of rules and expectations, but many of them also have conflicting rules or standards. The visible and invisible pressures require our attention. Holding multiple and sweeping roles can protect us by giving us a sense of safety and connection; however, it is paramount that you are aware of the emotional cost associated with each role.

Are these roles mutually beneficial? Are they helping you become your most authentic self? What is the relationship tax for each role? The need for belonging can easily pull us away from our true self. We start changing who we truly are as an attempt to belong. Fitting in is when we shift for the purpose of being accepted by the group. Often our unconscious urges us to buy certain things, talk about particular topics, or acquire status objects that will garner respect, all in an attempt to fit in. Society also sends us messaging that, to be happy and successful, we need an army of people, a squad, a giant friend network. Although it does take a village to raise a child, the size of that village is up for discussion. Having a small, consistent, emotionally available group of people who are true allies is optimal compared to having a large gaggle of people you stress yourself to death trying to impress.

Stressing wisely here is taking an inventory of the people in your life, your roles, and your communities and ensuring that you are in equal partnerships. Several people who I have done this work alongside express that it can feel selfish at first to evaluate relationships in this way. Yet, once they start doing the “relationship tax exercise,” they see that certain relationships or communities are depleting their resources so greatly that it is preventing them from truly showing up for the people who matter most to them.

We are so replaceable in almost every role in our lives. Be sure to protect, nurture, and honour the roles in which you are irreplaceable. And I am not referring only or specifically to biological family. Struggling with maladaptive family relationships can be the biggest stressor in many people’s lives. But we can reframe by recognizing who is “family” and who are our “relatives.” Family are your ride-or-die people, blood or chosen. Relatives are people with whom you share a common history, and you acknowledge them at a safe distance from which you can still feel healthy and whole.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.